1
00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:01,839
(Glenn) Producing better stuff...
2
00:00:01,840 --> 00:00:04,399
You're late. And you look like shit.
3
00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:06,679
I know both ofthose things already.
4
00:00:06,680 --> 00:00:09,680
Margaret Thatcher used to survive
on less than four hours' sleep a night.
5
00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:13,839
- How is that possible?
- Monkey glands.
6
00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:16,840
(Glenn) She was mad.
Mad people have different needs.
7
00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:19,880
(Hugh) And she lived above the shop,
so she didn't have to commute.
8
00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:23,800
God, I mean, London is so big.
Can't we devolve some ofit?
9
00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:27,800
- (Glenn sighs)
- IfI could get one decent night's shut-eye...
10
00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:31,839
Well, do yourselfa favour and stay in the flat.
11
00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:33,879
I can't break my promise to Kate.
12
00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:36,199
Do you actually get to see the children?
13
00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:38,959
Glenn, I don't have time for that. All I do...
14
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:41,960
I work, I eat, I shower...that's it.
15
00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:45,479
And occasionally...
16
00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:48,480
I take a dump, just as a sort oftreat.
17
00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:51,920
I mean, that really is my treat.
That's what it's come to. That's...
18
00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:56,240
I sit there and I think...
19
00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:59,319
''No, I'm not gonna read the New Statesman.
20
00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:02,320
''This time is just for me.
This is quality time just for me.''
21
00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:06,879
- Is that normal?
- It's sad.
22
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:09,880
- At least I've made something.
- Morning, Secretary ofState.
23
00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:12,879
We've got quite a lot to get through.
24
00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:15,880
- I've cancelled that interview for BBC Norfolk.
- Why?
25
00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:19,760
Well, it was gonna clash
with the two minutes' silence.
26
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:22,960
- Good call.
- Ifyou're not remembering the dead
27
00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:26,240
and talking about benefit fraud in Kings Lynn
you are gonna look a bit ofa dick.
28
00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:29,119
Olly, could you get me another coffee?
29
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:31,719
(Terri) Remember what I told you?
When I was working at Waitrose?
30
00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:33,759
- Yes. I know.
- Do you remember that?
31
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,159
It was two minutes' silence, ordinary Sunday,
32
00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:39,160
and somebody went on the Tannoy
about a spillage alert.
33
00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:42,560
- The tabloids were like rats up a drainpipe.
- Were they?
34
00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:45,960
Can you just...? It's the Times.
Could you just have a quick look at that?
35
00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:50,279
- Is it about me?
- Have a read ofit first.
36
00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:52,519
I find this job exciting enough
37
00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:55,359
- without injecting artificial suspense.
- (Mobile)
38
00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:57,559
You're cock-teasing, Terri, tell me what it is.
39
00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:00,199
- Hello, Malcolm.
- (Shouting, indistinct)
40
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,239
- No, he hasn't yet. No.
- What?
41
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:04,839
- He is, isn't he? He's a prick.
- (Glenn) Who's a prick?
42
00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:07,840
- Am I a prick?
- Yep, rip the ball sack off.
43
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:10,960
- (Glenn) Whose ball sack?
- Whose ball sack?
44
00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:13,679
- (Shouting continues)
- Whose balls?
45
00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:16,680
- Hello, Malcolm.
- Have you seen Simon Hewitt's piece?
46
00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:19,479
I haven't quite been through it, er, yet.
47
00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:22,480
Have you got to the bit
where he calls you out ofyour depth?
48
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,600
No, at the moment he's calling me...
49
00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:28,640
''the political equivalent ofthe house wine
at a suburban Indian restaurant''.
50
00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:32,439
That's not very good, is it? Hang on a second.
51
00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:35,440
Ooh, ''insipid'', yeah. (Mumbles)
52
00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:37,479
''Uninspiring''.
53
00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:39,039
(Olly) Christ, that's bad, look at that.
54
00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:42,040
Ooh, ''disconnected to the point ofautism''.
55
00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:45,840
We're gonna get this tosser, Hugh,
don't you worry.
56
00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:48,920
He'll be at the Sport, Photoshopping the tits
ofHollyoaks extras by the end ofthe month.
57
00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:54,519
Can I just... Hello? No, he's gone.
58
00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:57,039
That's great. Malcolm's backing me.
59
00:02:57,040 --> 00:03:00,040
- (Olly) Yeah?
- So, how do we respond to this?
60
00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:03,320
Right, we don't exchange insults
with bloody Simon arsepipes titty-twat.
61
00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:08,439
Is that honestly the best swearing
you can come up with?
62
00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:11,440
This is a bucket ofshit. Ifsomeone throws shit,
we throw shit at them. We start a shit fight.
63
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:16,039
We throw so much shit back at them
64
00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:19,040
that they can't pick up shit,
throw shit, or do shit.
65
00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:22,320
- (Terri) Mm.
- That's top swearing, Glenn, well done.
66
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:25,440
- Watch and learn.
- (Hugh) We're all agreed
67
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:28,439
that the department needs to look a bit less...
68
00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:31,039
- (Olly) Autistic.
- ..badly staffed.
69
00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:34,040
So we need to, at this morning's policy review,
70
00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:37,480
come up with some sort ofnew announcement
that's a bit more connected, bit more...funky!
71
00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:41,599
(Olly) Funky.
(Terri) Look, erm...
72
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:44,600
I hope you're not gonna just
toss offsome policy
73
00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:47,760
just to get back at some journalist.
74
00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:51,080
So, erm, essentially this is just us again
but in a bigger room, isn't it?
75
00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:55,120
- And without Terri.
- Yeah, I've block-booked 14 meeting rooms.
76
00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:58,559
- She'll never find us.
- It's foolproof.
77
00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:01,560
It's the only way to get any work done.
Chris from Health does it all the time.
78
00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:05,600
OK, all right, I'll start. There was a key worker
policy I worked up a couple ofmonths ago.
79
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:10,120
Quite like that. We need to find an angle.
A very good angle.
80
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:13,800
Youths. You know? People are afraid ofyouths.
81
00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:16,799
- I mean, I know I am.
- Grrr.
82
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,239
- You taking the piss?
- (Olly) No. I'm just joshing.
83
00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:22,240
- It sounds as though you're taking the piss.
- It's just good-natured joshing.
84
00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:25,559
- Will the two ofyou just shut up?
- I am being good-natured.
85
00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:28,560
Shut up for a minute, please.
Where else can we go?
86
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,599
Pollution, the environment.
87
00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:34,799
Litter, dog shit.
88
00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,800
- (Olly) Aiming high.
- We aimed high, now we're at dog shit.
89
00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:41,199
- (Olly) So what you're...
- This is what we're doing.
90
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,839
- I'm putting it about...
- (Glenn) Morning, Malcolm.
91
00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:46,840
..that Hewitt's piece was a packet ofbollocks,
a favour to Cliff.
92
00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:49,879
- Cliffbeing...?
- (Glenn) CliffLawton.
93
00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:52,559
Hugh's predecessor.
He and Hewitt are tight as arse cheeks.
94
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,560
- Are they now?
- Fuck knows, but that's what we're saying.
95
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:59,600
It's personal, it's back-slapping,
it's borderline homoerotic,
96
00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:03,440
and you are the innocent victim
ofa nasty media stitch-up.
97
00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:05,519
- OK, right.
- I'm fixing you up
98
00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:08,520
with a ''me and my media'' piece
with your ex Angela Heaney.
99
00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:12,320
But it is a perfect opportunity
to show just how clued up you are, actually.
100
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:15,839
Hughy Abbot, the in-touch guy.
101
00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:18,840
You're on the ball, you know the price ofa pint
ofmilk, you love HBO imports, VH1, Pixar,
102
00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:23,760
- you dig the Streets...
- Yeah, no, they're all great.
103
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:27,160
You've got absolutely no fucking idea
what I'm talking about, do you?
104
00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:30,840
Yeah, yeah, I do.
105
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,920
Who's the only gay in the village?
106
00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:37,119
Eddie Grundy. I-I don't know.
107
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:40,120
No, he's got children. Mind you, a lot of
them do, these days. Ben at the Foreign Office...
108
00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:44,560
- What's a chav?
- Ch... Erm...
109
00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:48,159
- It's...erm...
- You must know this, Hugh.
110
00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:51,039
- Hugh, what is a chav?
- Chav.
111
00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:54,040
- (All) Chav. Chav.
- Just saying ''chav'' isn't very helpful.
112
00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:56,519
This is important stuff, Hugh. Right.
113
00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:58,559
We do a weekly digest for the Prime Minister.
114
00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:01,560
We boil down the week's television, cinema,
music, so on...
115
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,679
- The Zeitgeist tapes.
- (Malcolm) Exactly. Zeitgeist tape.
116
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:07,680
EastEnders highlights, choice bits from
the reality shows, ten-second music videos.
117
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,399
God, that's why the PM always looks so clued
up.
118
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,400
I always though he was genuinely quite with it.
119
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:17,319
No, he uses phrases like ''with it'' as well.
120
00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:20,320
I'm gonna bike that over to Terri. Watch it,
OK?
121
00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:23,360
And when you talk to Angela Heaney,
stick the boot into Hewitt, remember?
122
00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:27,080
I'm putting it about that Cliffoffered him
two weeks at his Tuscan villa for that piece.
123
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:32,120
- Ten-four, daddy-o.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, this is serious.
124
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,960
You have got 24 hours to sort out your policy
on EastEnders, right?
125
00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:40,639
Or you're for the halal butchers.
126
00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:43,640
(Imitates EastEnders drums)
127
00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,800
Even he knows.
128
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,039
Terri.
129
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:58,040
- Two main contenders for our policy decision.
- Right.
130
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:02,800
Er, we change arts and music policy funding
131
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:06,000
so that we give most ofthe money
to the bad kids,
132
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,239
give them intensive arts and music tuition,
133
00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:12,240
stop them turning into
tomorrow's crims and offenders.
134
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,839
Perhaps you'd like to outline your...?
135
00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:17,840
I'm for we punish disruptive kids by cutting
them out ofextra music and arts tuition.
136
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,479
Show them the carrot and the stick early on.
137
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:23,879
The bad kids, they get no money.
138
00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:26,880
- And, Olly, the same bad kids, they get...
- More money.
139
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,039
- More money.
- They could both play.
140
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:33,040
- They're fundamentally contradictory.
- So which one should we go with?
141
00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:37,400
Why don't you go with both ofthem
or neither ofthem or a different policy?
142
00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,719
(Hugh) You're being quite flippant.
143
00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:43,439
- Do you have a preference?
- That's not my role.
144
00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:46,440
I sell the apples.
Ifyou want me to sell apples, I will.
145
00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:49,840
Ifyou want me to sell oranges,
I'll go and tell people
146
00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:52,759
that the apples are shit, Olly. They're shit.
147
00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:55,519
I'll say, ''Go on, check out our oranges.''
148
00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:58,519
Which do you prefer? Apples or oranges.
149
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,639
- Apples.
- (Hugh) Apples.
150
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:03,640
- Apples.
- OK. Thank you.
151
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:07,200
- Apples.
- (Glenn) Ifwe spend taxpayers' money
152
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,320
putting thugs into productions
ofthe fucking Cherry Orchard
153
00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:12,599
we're gonna get crucified, and rightly so.
154
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:15,600
Hang on a second. Terri, which was apples?
Was Olly apples or was Glenn apples?
155
00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:19,559
She's...she's gone.
156
00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:22,560
(Olly) Let's throw this to a focus group.
(Hugh) Yeah. Yeah, whatever.
157
00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:31,080
So, this is where you've been having
these secret meetings, is it?
158
00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:34,159
- (Hugh) Yeah. No.
- No. Yeah.
159
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:37,160
- Well?
- I cannot keep abreast ofall this.
160
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,840
- Can't you précis some ofit for me?
- Yeah. Yeah, sure.
161
00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:44,560
I'll take a précis ofthe transcripts
and a précis ofthe press packs.
162
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:48,799
Could you précis this for me, the Zeitgeist tape?
163
00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:51,800
Check this out. This is a tape
ofthis morning's focus group.
164
00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:55,119
This is Mary, she is a focus group legend.
165
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:57,159
- (Hugh) Mary.
- Mary she's called.
166
00:08:57,160 --> 00:09:00,160
Everything that she's said in the last 12 months
in every focus group
167
00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:03,319
has chimed exactly with the core voter.
168
00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:06,320
And she loved
my arts for hearts and minds policy.
169
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,960
- Arts for hearts and minds?
- That's what we're calling it.
170
00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:13,280
And she said, Glenn, that it chimed brilliantly
with stay-at-home mums like her.
171
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:18,239
And she's really core Middle England, is she?
172
00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:20,519
Totally, totally core Middle England.
173
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:23,520
(Mary) If children are put in a position
where they've got responsibility,
174
00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:27,239
I think they'll rise to that challenge.
175
00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:29,399
Art is all about expression, isn't it.?
176
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:32,039
Can we get her in for a one-to-one?
177
00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:35,040
- Yeah. Absolutely.
- What, we're gonna précis the focus group?
178
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,799
- Yeah.
- We'll just make it a bit more...focused.
179
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:40,800
Everybody else basically agrees with
what she says. She's got everything.
180
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:43,119
Very good way to work. I like this.
181
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:46,120
Cut out all the extraneous stuff, you know.
Just the facts, man.
182
00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:50,360
Just the protein. Atkins government.
183
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,599
(Olly) OK, I'll get her in.
184
00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:54,759
In fact here they are now.
185
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:57,159
- Hello!
- Hi. I'm Mary.
186
00:09:57,160 --> 00:10:00,160
This is Hugh Abbott, this is Mary.
And, Mary, this is Glenn Cullen.
187
00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:04,080
- And this is Mary, our focus group star.
- (Hugh) Great to meet you.
188
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:07,840
(Mary) Thank you. I keep getting asked back.
189
00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:11,080
Well, you are one ofthe most articulate
ofour focus groupees.
190
00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:14,280
That's... Yeah...
Not groupie, groupees with two Es.
191
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:17,119
- Yes.
- You're very kind, thanks.
192
00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:19,519
(Olly) All right, listen, just to push on...
193
00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:22,520
I was thinking that ifI am representative
ofthe public at large
194
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:26,480
- you're gonna listen to what I say...
- You're every woman.
195
00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:30,480
- ''It's all in me.''
- (Olly chuckles) Something like that.
196
00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:33,600
- It's, er, it's a song, Hugh.
- Yeah, I know.
197
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,320
- So, Mary, the policy we were talking about...
- Great policy.
198
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:41,000
- Thank you.
- Yeah, really good, well done.
199
00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:44,120
- We were wondering...
- I was thinking about it afterwards.
200
00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:48,240
And ifthose extra classes, you know,
the drama and the music and the art classes,
201
00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,479
ifthey have them after school
202
00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:55,480
it saves the potentially naughty children
from missing out on the core curriculum.
203
00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:59,799
- That's important.
- (Olly) That's a good angle.
204
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,800
And also it would be, I think,
a really welcome breathing space
205
00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:06,319
for some ofthe single parents, like me.
206
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:08,359
(Hugh) Yes.
(Olly) Excellent.
207
00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:11,360
I thought ofa name for it.
I thought you could call it Play For Tomorrow.
208
00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:14,759
(Olly) Play For Tomorrow. Yeah, excellent.
209
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:17,760
Thank you so much for coming in,
and good luck with the single mother thing.
210
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:21,399
- Thank you.
- (Olly) I'll be right... Erm...
211
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:23,279
I'll see you in a bit, Glenn.
212
00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:25,999
- And you're against it?
- It'll die on its arse.
213
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:29,000
''My Grandma was mugged by some
ferret-faced teenager with a neck tattoo.
214
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:32,319
''What are you gonna do about it?''
''Teach him the bassoon.''
215
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:35,320
It is, as my dear old mother would have said,
double wank and shit chips.
216
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,519
But you think it's got legs, Hugh?
217
00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:41,239
- Several.
- How did it play with the focus groups?
218
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:43,479
- She loves it.
- Sorry?
219
00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:45,359
(Olly) They absolutely love it.
220
00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:48,360
You've got 94% approve/strongly approve
rating. That's enormous.
221
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,839
- Why did you say ''she''?
- I don't know.
222
00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:54,840
- You can call boats she.
- 94%. It's all there, black and white.
223
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:58,400
It's difficult to argue with that, Glenn, whatever
your foul-mouthed mother might have said.
224
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,959
Yes, I can feel a stiffy in the post.
225
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,960
- My guts still say no.
- Substantial as they are, they're outvoted.
226
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,840
- I'll talk to Tom about green-lighting this.
- So that's a go, Terri.
227
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:13,120
Just, erm, put the smell out,
see ifanybody...gags on it.
228
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:16,439
Just...just float it.
229
00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:18,879
- OK, er...
- Problem?
230
00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:21,880
Can we please try and...
231
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:24,479
stop making policy on the hoof?
232
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:27,480
We've been on the hoof
and we have been too hoofy.
233
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:31,000
- Have we?
- Ifthere could just be some sitting down.
234
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:34,160
- Yeah.
- Just, you know, sitting down.
235
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,599
- That's all I'm saying.
- Yeah.
236
00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,959
We've got the chairs, we should use them.
237
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,719
- I think so. That was it.
- OK. Is that it?
238
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,720
- That's the problem. No more.
- Problem solved. Good point.
239
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,759
- I'll go and float.
- OK.
240
00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:50,799
- Face up?
- Ifyou like, yep.
241
00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:53,359
(Malcolm) See you, Terri.
242
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,360
Malcolm, I know you were keen
on Terri's appointment but...
243
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,879
- She's shit.
- I wouldn't go that far.
244
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:01,880
She's a box-ticker, Hugh.
She can't think outside the box.
245
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:05,720
She's built a box inside the actual box
and she's doing her thinking inside that box.
246
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:10,119
- Exactly. I like that.
- Sorry, I'm so tired.
247
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:13,120
- No, that's good.
- I have so much stuffto read and think about.
248
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:17,800
- You seem to get through it all right.
- Yeah, I find the time, somewhere.
249
00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:24,119
Do you get lonely?
250
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:27,120
- No.
- No. Neither do I.
251
00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:30,360
- So did you watch the Zeitgeist tape?
- Some ofit, yeah.
252
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:33,599
So you know your EastEnders?
Little Mo, Big Mo?
253
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:36,439
- (Imitates EastEnders drums, gets it wrong)
- What?
254
00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:39,399
- I haven't watched it, no.
- What the fuck are you playing at?
255
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:42,400
Are you playing at being a minister
or are you a real-life fucking minister?
256
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:45,799
I am a real-life minister.
257
00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,399
- I've never seen headlines like it.
- In what way?
258
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:51,400
- It's all gone to shite.
- Oh, the papers didn't like the policy?
259
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:55,000
They fucking loathe it.
Are you getting all this, Hugh?
260
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:57,759
Yes, you're very clear.
261
00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:00,760
- (Terri) Do they all hate it? The Times?
- Especially the Times.
262
00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:04,480
(Hugh) But the first editions
haven't gone to bed yet.
263
00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:07,199
- How do you know.?
- Because I'm connected.
264
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,159
I'm plugged into the matrix.
I am the fucking matrix.
265
00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:13,160
- What...what... Sorry.?
- Have you not watched that tape?
266
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:16,639
I'm taking it home now to watch it there.
267
00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:19,640
We'vejust bought a new vdeo player
off the back ofAlicia's obsession with Pingu.
268
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,319
- OK, pay attention.
- I've heard of Pingu.
269
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:26,320
This arts policy is dead, OK? As ofnow.
270
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:30,000
Get a press release together
and bung it in the oven. Fuck off, the lot ofyou.
271
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,239
And, Hugh, watch that tape.
272
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:36,240
I was in the Blackwall Tunnel,
can you repeat all that.?
273
00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:39,680
These focus groups, they're absolutely useless.
274
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:42,880
Oh, it's useless to ask people what they think,
is it? Before we formulate policy?
275
00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:48,360
Look, people either don't know what they think
276
00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:51,640
or they think you should bring back
hanging for traffic wardens.
277
00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:55,160
Or they just think
what every right-minded person would think.
278
00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:58,880
Oh, yeah, ''I'm GeoffAverage,
and I think the same as everybody else
279
00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:02,679
''cos I'm a normal bloke
and everybody thinks like me
280
00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:05,680
''cos I work in IT, and every weekend
I pop a few pills and do a bit ofDJing,
281
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,999
''spare cash cos I'm a single mum,
and I'm in the National Trust,
282
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:12,599
''I enjoy sports on TV, anything with Colin
Firth.
283
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:15,600
''I enjoy domestic violence
and sun-dried fucking...karaoke.''
284
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:19,119
Not everybody is the same, Glenn.
285
00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:22,120
People can surprise you.
286
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:25,239
Was that good-natured joshing?
287
00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:28,240
- (Mobile rings)
- (Sighs)
288
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:31,360
- Tucker.
- Malcolm, er...hope I didn't wake you up.
289
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,399
(Spits) Hewitt.
290
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:36,400
Yeah, I'm doing a piece this Sunday,
a big piece on focus groups,
291
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:40,800
it's sort ofinspired
by your latest policy disaster.
292
00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:44,560
I'm gonna be concentrating on how
your man Abbot can't do a single thing
293
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:48,839
- without focus groups.
- I'm shaking with fear.
294
00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:51,840
- Yeah, well, that's sexual jealousy.
- You're so witty.
295
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,759
Pity none ofit makes it into your columns.
296
00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:57,760
Listen, I'd love to spend the evening listening
to you but I've got better things to do.
297
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:02,200
Fuck offback to your match reports, you twat.
298
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:06,360
- (Mobile rings)
- Hello.
299
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:08,959
- Hugh, it's Terri.
- Yeah, hello.
300
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:11,559
- Sorry, I've woken you up.
- I wasn't asleep.
301
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:14,560
I just got dropped offand I'm being picked up
again in three hours so I kept my trousers on.
302
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,840
Listen, I've just heard
that Simon Hewitt's doing another piece on you
303
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:23,839
about how you rely on focus groups.
304
00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:26,840
- Oh, cock.
- (Yawning) Look, I'll be on it in the morning
305
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:31,400
- so don't lose any sleep over it.
- Are you taking the piss?
306
00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:34,720
- Erm, no.
- Sorry, I've got to go. I've got an egg on.
307
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:38,039
(Yawning) See you in the morning.
308
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:41,040
- Bye-bye.
- Night, Hugh. Bye.
309
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,719
Bitch.
310
00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:46,079
How fucked am I?
311
00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:49,080
Well, you look awful.
You quite often look bad, but...
312
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:52,360
In terms ofnegative publicity.
On the fuckometer, where am I?
313
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:55,999
- Oh, 12.
- (Olly) Yeah.
314
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,679
- 12, say.
- Out ofwhat?
315
00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:00,680
- Er...50.
- Oh.
316
00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:03,719
Mine was out often.
317
00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:06,720
Right, so I'm...24% fucked according to you
318
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:09,119
but according to you I'm 120% fucked.
319
00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:11,159
(Olly) Erm, yeah. I didn't...
320
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:14,160
- Terri, have you got anything?
- I can't ask them to drop the piece,
321
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,600
- it would make us look pathetic.
- I don't mean to come across all Mr Gradgrind
322
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:21,399
but this is your job, sorting out the press.
323
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:24,400
This is Malcolm's problem, anyway,
it's him that spun that...
324
00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:27,319
All right, this is what we're gonna do.
325
00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:30,320
I'm bringing forward Hugh's interview
with Heaney to this afternoon.
326
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,600
- (Glenn) Morning, Malcolm.
- It goes out tomorrow morning.
327
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:36,760
That way we can get our side ofthe story across
and piss all over Simon Hewitt's cornflakes,
328
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:40,959
sadly only metaphorically. Yeah?
329
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:43,960
Right, OK. Olly, call Heaney. Terri, get on
to her editor. Glenn, book her room.
330
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,680
Bodie, Doyle, you go round the back.
331
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,719
At times ofstress, I make jokes!
332
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:53,759
(Hugh) Right. Erm...
333
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:55,719
What do I do?
334
00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:58,720
Sit down at the TV with me.
You're gonna watch that Zeitgeist tape now.
335
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:03,120
(# Theme from The Bill)
336
00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:07,319
(Woman) You don't seem to be able to understand...
337
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,919
- Shit.
- I know, but people watch it.
338
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:12,920
- This gets six million.
- Oh, shit.
339
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:16,199
What?
340
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:19,200
- She's an actress.
- Who?
341
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:22,759
Mary from the focus group, she's an actress.
342
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:24,839
Oh, relax, that doesn't matter.
343
00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:27,840
Iffocus groups are short ofnumbers
they bung in a couple ofactors.
344
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:32,080
It doesn't matter because it's a focus group -
key word, group.
345
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:35,959
(Man) I need to think. I'll call you.
346
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,199
Ooh, I've just remembered. Erm...
347
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:41,200
- Can you just...
- I'll pause it.
348
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:44,240
Ifyou could pause it for a second, I'll be...
I'll be back in a sec.
349
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:49,920
- (Whispers) Glenn, got a bit ofa problem.
- What?
350
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,559
You remember Mary from the focus group?
351
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:55,560
What, Miss Immaculate bloody Conception?
352
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:59,000
- She's an actress.
- What do you mean?
353
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,680
I mean that she's... There's no clearer way
ofsaying it - she's an actress.
354
00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:07,120
- Are you sure?
- I've just seen her in The fucking Bill.
355
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,159
Oh, Jesus.
356
00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:12,160
This doesn't necessarily have to be
a total fucking disaster.
357
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:15,600
It does. It means she's not really
a stay-at-home Middle England housewife,
358
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:19,839
she's just playing a part.
359
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:22,840
- So, what she said wasn't, you know...
- Yes, I do know.
360
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:26,520
- What? Who said what? What?
- We are organising focus groups
361
00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:29,519
to listen to the opinions ofordinary people,
362
00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:31,919
except they're not ordinary people,
they're fucking actors,
363
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,920
- so they're not technically people at all.
- Can I get back to you?
364
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:38,240
Your fucking legend is a fucking actress.
365
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,919
Focus group companies do it all the time.
366
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,920
Ifthey can't cobble together the right
cross-section, they call a casting agency.
367
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:48,800
Dial an opinion, is it?
Send me three liberals, two mavericks
368
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:51,359
- and a racist. Brilliant!
- (Terri) Shh.
369
00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:54,360
(Whispering) We've based
the whole thing on her. Just her!
370
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:57,559
Her alone! Don't you see?
Why didn't you run it past me?
371
00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,479
(Whispering) Shit. Shit.
372
00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:02,480
(Olly and Glenn whispering argumentatively)
373
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:06,039
(Olly) It's not real.
(Terri) I thought I recognised her.
374
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:08,199
She was in Midsomer Murders.
375
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:11,200
(Olly) Why didn't you say anything?
(Terri) I thought she might've had a twin.
376
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,239
(Olly) What a stupid thing to...
377
00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:18,240
(Whispered arguing continues, indistinct)
378
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:22,039
(Shouting) Fuck! Fuck!
379
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,599
(Banging and crashing)
380
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:27,600
(Malcolm) You said ''she''.
(Hugh) Yes.
381
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:31,320
- Come out ofthe cupboard, Hugh.
- No.
382
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,480
Hugh, we have to sort this out.
383
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:42,440
- When I asked you about the focus group...
- Yeah.
384
00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:45,600
..you said ''she'' loved it.
385
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,000
We gave her a one-on-one.
386
00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:53,520
Why?
387
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:57,280
She's Middle England.
388
00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:00,680
So, Middle England is a big fucking field
389
00:21:01,120 --> 00:21:03,159
with one woman standing in it?
390
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,279
Do you think Hewitt will find out?
391
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:08,280
Ofcourse he fucking will, she's his mole!
392
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:11,119
That's why he's got
a piece in the paper tomorrow.
393
00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:13,719
We've got to shut this down now, right?
394
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:16,439
I want this leaked to Angela Heaney.
395
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:18,479
It's damage control, OK?
396
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:21,480
We put out the story the way we want it
before Hewitt fucks us up the bugle.
397
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:26,000
- Get onto it, now.
- Yeah... It was Olly's, erm...
398
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,599
- It's not my fault.
- It was Olly's idea.
399
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:31,600
- I went with it.
- The agency lied to us, Hugh.
400
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:34,760
- The agency lied to me.
- I fought for going with it.
401
00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:38,120
- (Hugh) We should get her in.
- Get on to Heaney's editor.
402
00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:41,200
- I'm on to it, Malcolm.
- Talk to Angela, get her to do this.
403
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:44,399
- Right, OK.
- Can I speak to Angela Heaney?
404
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,400
- (Terri) Can I leave a message?
- Malcolm, may I just suggest...
405
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,359
Shh!
406
00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:52,360
- I didn't know that she's an actress.
- Exactly. We've been lied to, abused.
407
00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:56,479
- We are the victims ofabuse.
- (Terri) Olly.
408
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:58,519
- Shut up.
- Can you call her?
409
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:01,520
- You are a broken vase.
- What the fuck are you talking about?
410
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:05,440
How do I know she's an actress?
I never watch television.
411
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:08,199
That's why you gave me the stupid tape. (Sighs)
412
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:11,200
We're gonna get her in, talk to her,
she'll meet us, we'll...
413
00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:14,119
I will talk to her because I'm good with people.
414
00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:17,120
She can help us, she'll see our point ofview,
we'll be fine.
415
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:19,919
I hope so, I hope that's what happens.
416
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:22,879
- Or we kill her.
- It will...
417
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:25,880
(Malcolm) Make him look presentable.
(Olly) I've got a big story.
418
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:29,480
- Comb his hair, change his tie and his shirt.
- No, it's fine, don't worry about it.
419
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:34,040
(Malcolm) You're looking evening television,
I want you to look afternoon.
420
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:37,880
(Malcolm) What do you want me to wear,
a fucking Hawaiian shirt?
421
00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:41,240
- (Terri) Shall we see ifyou've got one?
- No, she can't have a car.
422
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:45,479
Just don't fucking mother me, OK?
423
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:48,480
I...it's...I'm not so much mothering,
it's just...wanting to help.
424
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:52,280
Are we getting her...Mary...
Can we get her in tonight?
425
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:55,680
- Won't that look a bit odd?
- Does anyone have her number?
426
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:59,200
- I've got a number for the agency.
- Get on to the agency.
427
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:02,760
(Glenn) It's all right.
(Terri) It's not, actually.
428
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:14,039
Mary, you know Hugh. You've met Glenn
before.
429
00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:17,040
This is Malcolm Tucker,
he's our director ofcommunications.
430
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:20,760
- (Hugh) Take a seat, Mary.
- Thanks.
431
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:24,080
We are so grateful for you coming in
at this ungodly hour.
432
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:28,320
- Is there...a problem?
- Yeah, there is - you flapping your trap!
433
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:32,320
The issues is...the issue of
your being an actress.
434
00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:35,039
Right.
435
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:38,040
- I actually prefer actor.
- I'm sorry. Sexist, sorry.
436
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:41,599
- Slightly, yeah.
- Essentially, you know,
437
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:44,600
what you told us, that was
fundamentally...honest, it was the truth,
438
00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:49,560
- it was honestly...genuinely what you thought.
- Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah.
439
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:54,320
I haven't got two children,
but apart from that it was essentially...
440
00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:58,040
- Most... Yes, ofcourse...
- (Hugh) You invented the kids?
441
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,640
- I... Yeah, I was...
- You made up small children?
442
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:04,599
- I know small children.
- That's sick.
443
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:07,199
- Jesus Christ.
- I was just being representative.
444
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:09,399
- You invented children.
- (Coughs)
445
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:12,400
- Small children that don't exist.
- I was giving you what you wanted.
446
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:16,440
So, eventually you lose track,
the lies compound themselves
447
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:19,720
and you end up all over the place
like a crazy woman's shit.
448
00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:22,760
And that's the problem
that we're now trying to deal with.
449
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:26,400
We've given this story to a tame journalist,
450
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:29,519
one who's more likely to be sympathetic...
451
00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:32,520
Do you just want to think about
what is going to happen tomorrow?
452
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:36,319
You are gonna find the press all over you...
453
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:38,639
- In a good way?
- No, not at all.
454
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:41,640
- You know that film Notting Hill?
- She's probably fucking in it.
455
00:24:42,120 --> 00:24:43,999
You know that bit where he opens the door
456
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:47,000
and there's millions ofjournalists
and photographers
457
00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:49,519
and all flashbulbs are going off?
458
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:51,599
In about four hours, that's gonna be you.
459
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:54,600
They're gonna be all over you
like fucking cockroaches.
460
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:59,160
- It's OK.
- No, no, no, no, no, it's not OK.
461
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:02,239
It's not gonna be OK, and I'll tell you why.
462
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:04,159
Because you're fair game.
463
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:06,439
So I hope your knickers are clean.
464
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:09,440
Because every seat-sniffing little shitbag
that's ever filed a by-line
465
00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:11,999
is gonna be questioning you.
466
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:15,000
Cos now it's in the fucking public interest,
isn't it?
467
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:18,480
And they're gonna hit you
with any shit they can find
468
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,560
and you're gonna be spread out there
in front ofthem like a trollop in the stocks!
469
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:26,040
- (Olly) We-we've done...
- I still don't understand what's going on.
470
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:29,920
- We can hold those dogs back.
- (Mary) What do you mean?
471
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:33,400
- We can get you a nice journalist.
- Yes, exactly.
472
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:36,800
We can get you to a nice, young journalist,
Angela Heaney,
473
00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:40,600
and maybe you... I don't know what he made
you sign, but whatever it was, it was bullshit.
474
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:46,400
Maybe ifyou just say that you were misquoted
475
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,479
and also that Simon Hewitt's a prick.
476
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:51,479
- Ifyou just said that...
- Who?
477
00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:54,480
- The journalist that you told your story to.
- I...I didn't...I didn't talk to any journalist.
478
00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:59,359
- No, no, no.
- You spoke to Simon Hewitt.
479
00:25:59,360 --> 00:26:01,879
- No, I...
- You fucking spoke to Simon Hewitt,
480
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:04,880
he's a fat guy with a tiny dick
the size ofa bookie's biro.
481
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:08,200
- You fucking spoke to him.
- I'd like to go now.
482
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:10,439
(All shouting)
483
00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:12,999
- (Glenn) Shh-shh!
- You didn't speak to him.
484
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:16,000
- She didn't fucking speak to him.
- I don't know anyone called...Simon...
485
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:20,199
- whatever the fuck.
- Hewitt.
486
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:22,239
- Hewitt, yeah.
- (Malcolm yells)
487
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,519
- She doesn't even know.
- (Malcolm yells)
488
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:26,999
(Glenn) Fuck's sake.
(Mary) What's the matter with him?
489
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:29,839
(Glenn) Olly.
(Hugh) Sorry ifI upset you.
490
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:32,840
Sorry, darling, sorry. Crossed lines, darling.
Sorry about that.
491
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,800
- (Mary) Will you leave me alone?
- Ifyou need a car, I'll get whatever you need.
492
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:39,799
For fuck's sake!
493
00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:42,800
- She didn't even know.
- (Malcolm) Fuck him!
494
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:46,479
That didn't really work, did it?
495
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:49,480
- (Glenn) Is it too late...
- Can I get this straight for my own sanity?
496
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:52,839
Ifwe get on the phone,
can we pull the front page?
497
00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:55,840
- No. It's too late.
- Heaney's piece is gonna go ahead anyway?
498
00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:59,880
Ofcourse it fucking is. I'm good
but I can't fucking hold back the tide, can I?
499
00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:04,919
All right, that's it. I'm going to bed.
500
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,920
- Kind ofironic, really...
- You're fucking on your own!
501
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:11,480
..because she hasn't actually spoken to Hewitt,
502
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:14,439
er...and we've...
503
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:17,039
ofour own volition, voluntarily...
504
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:20,040
released the story to the press...
505
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:22,079
unnecessarily.
506
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:23,919
Erm...
507
00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:25,879
Damn.
508
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:28,880
- (Mary) Who was that evil Scottish guy?
- He's the director ofcommunications.
509
00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:31,719
He was ordering me what to say to the papers.
510
00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:34,720
- No, no, no, he wasn't ordering you.
- That's quite a big story,
511
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:38,000
dragging me out ofbed and telling me...
I think some papers might be interested in that.
512
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:42,320
No, look... The department has
a lot ofinitiatives coming up...
513
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:45,279
- Right. Right. Has it really?
- Yeah.
514
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:48,280
And we're going to need the face
ofurban renewal for the...thing,
515
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:52,280
a whole campaign, there's gonna be stationery,
pens... Face probably won't fit on...
516
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:57,880
- We've got all that coming up.
- You are trying to bribe me...
517
00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:00,959
with a stationery photo shoot?
518
00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:03,519
Er, no, erm...
519
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:06,479
None ofthis is happening. No, not bribe, no.
520
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:09,480
(Olly) That was just small talk. You understand
that, right? I was just chatting. Small chat.
521
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:15,200
Can you wake me in a couple ofhours?
522
00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:18,520
There's no time to go home,
I'll pass myselfcoming back in.
523
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:21,639
(Hugh sighs)
524
00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:24,640
I'll ring Catherine and say you won't be home.
525
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:27,079
Hi.
526
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:29,119
How did you get on?
527
00:28:29,120 --> 00:28:31,559
Happiness?
528
00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:34,560
Go away, Terri.
529
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:37,840
I'll clear up a few biscuits whilst I'm at it.
530
00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:41,120
(Glenn) Kate, just leaving a message for you -
I know you're asleep by now -
531
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:45,160
from Hugh. Love to the kids,
see Alicia in the morning
532
00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:48,799
and, erm...big kiss
533
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:51,799
and sorry about the bedtime story.
